Article in Adoptive Families

Saw this article and thought it was accurate and helpful. (Wish I would've seen it when Isaac first came home to us.)

Adopting a 15- to 22-month-old: Toddlerhood is a particularly difficult stage for a child to be moved. He's had time to build attachment to a caregiver, and now his greatest fear -- losing that person -- has come true. His cognitive and language abilities are not developed enough to understand any explanations of adoption.

Children adopted at this age may cling to the new parent for fear of losing that person also. "Gena wanted to be in physical contact with me all the time," says her mom, Susan Tombrello. "She would plaster herself to the shower door and whimper for me, or she would try to climb up on me just about anywhere I would sit. Cooking was very difficult when she outgrew her baby sling. I somehow learned to do everything with one hand."

• Prepare your child. Visit your child in the presence of the caregiver before placement. Together, talk to the child about the move before it occurs. It may help to act out the forthcoming adoption in play. If a pre-adoption visit isn't possible, send your child an album of family photos or a recording of your voice, so you'll be familiar by your first meeting.
• Help your child identify feelings. Your child's verbal abilities aren't developed enough to express his feelings about the change in his life. Help him label emotions, such as fear, anger, and sadness.
• Record the circumstances. Write down as many details as possible about placement day. Take photos. As your child's verbal skills develop, she will need to rework her emotions about that day. Details will help her understand what happened, why, and what it means.
• Get good advice. Children adopted as toddlers frequently struggle to balance dependence and autonomy. Professional advice can be helpful.