Proceeding...Trusting...

We have decided to proceed with the adoption. You know what, God called us to this. He can work out all the little details when necessary. If I have to stay here a few extra weeks/months, then we will cross that bridge when we get to it.  And we will trust Him.

To Proceed or Drop the Adoption?

I dreamed about Zac last night. It is amazing how a dream can be so vivid. I woke up feeling such love for him.

I told Kevin I am not at peace this morning. I have no information about what is happening in my near future and I need to know things. So I texted the adoption agency and asked for an honest answer as to whether they thought we could still pursue this adoption in the time we have left here.

She was honest. I am thankful.

I told her we report to our next post in June. She talked through the timeline with me and if all goes well, the court processes will be finished by June but not the passport/US visa portion. We will have another 6 weeks to be here after our allotted departure time. Well that brings on dozens of questions (our diplomatic visa runs out, can we stay in our house or have to do a hotel for those 6 weeks, will State still pay for us to PCS back to Washington even though we are past our orders, we will have to stay here without Kevin, etc.).

So we have a decision to make. Do we proceed or do we drop it now?  Is this God's Will for us to proceed? Is this just a roadblock?

Today I have been fasting and praying. I feel like the Lord said if we proceed there will indeed be more sacrificing. Sacrificing of the obvious time and money, but of other things I'd rather not write on a public blog.

I scoured the scriptures looking for an answer. Listening to hear from God today. I read the story of Abraham and Isaac again. Abraham was told to sacrifice his precious son, Isaac. My Bible commentary says, "If you are afraid to trust God with the possession, dream, or person you treasure most, pay attention to Abraham's example. Because Abraham was willing to give up everything for God, he received back more than he could have imagined.'"

Psalm 95:7-9 "Oh, that you would listen to his voice today! The Lord says, 'Don't harden your hearts as Israel did at Meribah, as they did at Massah in the wilderness. For there your ancestors tried my patience, they courted my wrath though they had seen my many miracles."

This may mean nothing to anybody else but as I was reading my Psalms for the day, this screamed out at me from the Holy Spirit.

I have been reading through the Old Testament for the past few months, and have related our adoption wait period as to the wilderness like the Israelites went through.

We are not in the wilderness anymore.  I will not harden my heart against this adoption agency or this government or this country. There is room for no bitterness in this process. We have seen God do many miracles in our process so far. There are many more to come.

Genesis 21 reminds me that the Lord does exactly as He promises. Sarah said, "God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me." The enemy is defeated. God has already won this battle. And we all laugh in the enemy's face.

I have so many questions, so many unknowns now. We have a huge decision to make. I know if we go forward then I have to expect to be here for a while longer. We have to contact the embassy and ask whether we can extend our visas, whether they can let us stay in our house, whether we can delay our pack-out of our household effects, what about the kids' school??. This is definitely not ideal, but not impossible either. I am going to let Papa God work out the details if He tells us to proceed with the adoption. I am at peace.

In talking with the agency we learned it will be another week or longer before we start the bonding period. I am at peace.

How Other Family Members Can Support an Adoptive Family

While I am in an "off" mood, I might as well write about things I normally wouldn't write about when I am "normal".

How are people supposed to respond to us, an adopting family? There are books about it. One great book is entitled, "In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You to Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends."

One of my friends yesterday asked me what I need for the baby. She said she wanted to help me out in some way when the baby comes. I told her that on Saturday we bought everything off our baby registry (yes, this is a new baby, so I registered for the things we needed, mainly so I could get amazon's 10% discount!!). She said she would like to make a meal for us, maybe when Kevin goes back to work from paternity leave. I almost cried. Why? I guess because I feel like I am away from family and close friends in the states and it makes things feel different.

So far I have not asked anybody for help**. I have not done any fundraising. I have not asked friends or family to donate a single penny to help us adopt. Because in a way that would mean they have to "support" me, right? When you ask someone for money, you are asking them to make a decision about whether or not they agree with your adoption. I have never asked my family if they agree with our decision to adopt. I did not ask anyone's permission about whether I should birth four children, so I definitely did not plan to ask anyone's opinion about whether I should adopt a child. First of all, God called us to adopt. So I do not need anybody else's opinion about it. I do not need anyone else's advice.

But the truth of the matter is, our adoption does impact our friends and family. We are changing the dynamic of our family. We are becoming a multi-racial family. My parents will have a dark-skinned grandchild. I will have dark-skinned grandchildren (yeh!). These are big, big issues for some folks. So not only is adoption the issue in itself, but the fact we are adopting cross-racially and cross-culturally is a secondary issue as well.  I do not expect everybody to support me. This is the reason I have never asked anyone's opinion or help. This is also why I was pretty much in tears when my friend offered to make a meal for us. Because she made it seem "normal". And isn't that what all adoptive families want to feel like, normal again?

So if you are a family member of an adoptive family, what are some ways you can support them? Here's what the book says:

1. Help with logistics if possible - Offer to write a letter of recommendation, make copies, mail paperwork, drop off materials at the attorney's office, help take care of other children so they can finish paperwork.
2. Host a Baby Shower! - Ask the mom is she prefers before or after the child arrives.
3. Show Your Interest - Ask if you can attend any adoption classes, learn about the child's country of origin, Take the expectant parents out for Ethiopian food or buy them a travel book on China, Collect positive news from that part of the world and discuss with other friends or relatives.
4. Information-Sharing - Some expectant parents like to be asked if there is news while others feel every question is just a reminder that they are still waiting. Personally, if someone does not ask me about my adoption, then I assume they do not care.
5. Financial Support - Adoption is expensive!
6. Help for Traveling Families - Help them pack or shop. Offer to take them or pick them up from the airport. Offer to keep the household running while they are gone (feeding pets, mowing grass, etc.)
7. Help With Siblings - Offer to babysit while parents do adoption-related tasks. Pay extra attention to waiting siblings.
8. Normalize Their Experience - Treat them like the excited, expectant parents they are!

**I needed a family recommendation letter for LAN and my lovely sister-in-law wrote a beautiful page-long letter about her opinion of me as a mother. For some reason it wasn't used in my dossier but LAN asked me to obtain it for their records. I am very grateful to her for writing the letter!**